On "staying safe"

NB Makes is a new project, so first I would like to say - welcome.

When I started setting up this little corner of the internet, I imagined that there would be a blog, and that I’d use this space to talk about some of the elements of the lifestyle of a maker. LIke you, I never imagined that my lifestyle - or all of our lifestyles - would be so abruptly altered. We could wait to start this conversation until things get back to “normal,” but I’m not convinced that will happen exactly, and I’m not sure that I want it to anyway. With that - there’s no reason to wait.

I also could say that I don’t have the right words to describe the state of our world today, but I can think of a few:

Unprecedented (the one we all hate)

Tiring

Helpless

Too much

Uncertain

And another: Over the past 6 months, maybe the most common phrase on each of our lips and messages to one another has been “stay safe.” We’ve been told that we’re “safer at home” for so many reasons.

As a world, we have been hunted by illness. Except for the last few weekends, we’ve spent nearly the last 3 months inside due to COVID-19. As a black-woman, I’d be tone deaf if I didn’t acknowledge that my race has been the recipient of systematic hatred and violence in this country (with the killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery as only the most recent and public examples). As I write this now, the area where I live just went into curfew due to concern for continued rioting and looting after the recent protests. As a people, we’re falling prey to an overabundance of fear.

I refuse to let it win.

Before this year began and I knew what turmoil it would hold, I made a vow to myself that nothing would steal my peace. In my day job, I work in crisis communications, so after years of feeling on high alert 24/7, I realized that I needed to do some soul searching to fight for balance. That journey has made me come face to face with the traumas, lies and stories that have shaped my young adult years. I am grateful for starting that work in advance of the war against fear we are all finding ourselves in this year. It has been foundational to staying sane and having hope. Once you wake up to the fact that joy is being stolen from you every day (even in “good” times), you vow to be brave in the face of soul theft all the time.

Right now, staying safe - mentally and physically - means staying clear-headed. It’s a day to day process, of course, but here’s how I’m coping:

Prayer
Faith is important to me, chiefly because it reminds me that control is an illusion. There are very few things that we actually have power over, and they start with you: your thoughts, words, actions and motivations. Everything else follows a different timeline that you’re simply contributing or reacting to. What’s more, you’re capable of reacting to the present and showing up for yourself and others, so long as you see it as just that. Letting go helped God restore hope and ultimately my heart in dark times.
Creativity
When the world in front of you doesn’t suit you, make a new one. It’s not that simple, but it’s the goal. Our experiences inform how we’re moved to create, and each of our intersecting ideals and interests will cause change as we pour into them. When I work, creating heals me so I can share that energy with others. It’s a two-for-one deal when what I make gives joy to others, but the outcome doesn’t matter so much as love of the process.
At one point, I used to believe that my creative practice needed to be grounded in creating something new or “deep” all the time, and I wouldn’t sit down to do anything unless I had a masterpiece in the works. That’s an insane amount of pressure to put on yourself. I also used to experience a lot of creative envy – including stress and anxiety when I’d see a great piece of art that felt like something I couldn’t create, technically or conceptually.
In this environment, that could look like the temptation to force your art form to react to the trauma happening in this world, or maybe even speak to pain bodies you have no experience with. Let me say it loud for the people in the back: that’s not a requirement of you as a maker. Maybe your place is creating an escape from – rather than another interpretation of – our current reality.
In terms of the how right now, ceramics is a resource-intensive process, requiring kilns, clay, wheels, glazes and a gambit of other tools to complete a work. What and how I’m making has obviously looked different with my shared studio space closed due to COVID-19, but I’ve still found ways to concept and create work almost daily (a topic for another day).
Learning constantly
About 2 years ago, I started reading avidly again, and when I did it was a lot of non-fiction because I was trying to “fix myself.” On the way to a friend’s bachelorette party, I had about 6 copies of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*@%” by Mark Manson fall on me in the book store at the airport, so I bought it, devoured it on the trip and started to understand why I had chosen really crappy values and problems to solve, then let them rule my life (spoiler alert: it’s not just me; a lot of the world chooses selfish, empty values and that’s why we’re experiencing the issues we’re experiencing now).
That book gets mixed reviews, but honestly it doesn’t matter. The point of learning isn’t to read the best seller list so you can pat yourself on the back: it’s to consider a perspective outside of your current reality, think deeply (even if you hate it), get even more curious and repeat the process. Becoming a constant consumer of books and podcasts about mental health, culture, history and the arts has helped me relearn how to learn, not see it as such a daunting process and prioritize interests so I’m always hungry, but patient. With the overwhelming number of racial, economic and societal issues unearthed this year, the list continues to grow.
I still want immediate world change, but understanding that there are ways for us to better inform ourselves, see other world views and make informed decisions gives me comfort. I see a lot of people looking for information to learn about discrimination, privilege, healthcare issues and the like, which is also encouraging.
In the “resources” section below, I’ll pop a list of my favorite podcasts that have helped me learn about race/class inequality recently, reads about mental health and value shaping, and other reading material that I have on my list to check out next.
Firm boundaries
It’s a joke sometimes amongst my friends, but I have some of the strictest boundaries of anyone you’ll meet. Sometimes I think I just never grew out of my “no” phase, but over time, I’ve learned that that “no” is really a “not now” for things that are harming me mentally, or threatening to push me off balance. There are very clear go/no-go times, modes of communication or activities for me. I challenge myself, but if I’m feeling triggered, it’s time to give it a break and come back later. A few reminders:
1. Feeling’s aren’t the enemy… Sometimes we just want to turn them off so we can keep dipping in the well that’s not nourishing us because it’s familiar. One of the best lessons I learned from a great book called “Choose Wonder Over Worry” by Amber Rae is to welcome your feelings like you would a friend. They give you valuable information about whether you’re being fueled or harmed. Listen.
2. But it’s not normal to feel overwhelmed constantly… If I’m on a treadmill of negative thoughts, being overstimulated or feeling like I’m in a state of danger, that’s a queue to slow down and remember that…
3. I have the power to change the channel… Either literally or mentally. News and social media are often the culprit, but other times certain people, work, music or even goals have consumed my ability to think clearly. With that…
4. There is such a thing as too much of a good (or bad) thing… People, projects or places you love can feel like too much when it’s not the right time. It’s ok to manage expectations when you can’t talk or you’re not feeling up to showing up. You probably wouldn’t have been your best, shiny self any way. If I find I’m doing that too much though, it’s time to seek help from someone I trust and recalibrate at a deeper level.
Breathing, movement and mindfulness
I’m not going to lie: mindfulness is not one of those things I got until I needed it, so don’t sweat it if it’s not your thing yet. What I do know is that I treat movement like medicine: I don’t always want it but I need it. Like a lot of women, I was originally socialized to believe that working out was to look good and be a certain size or whatever. Over time I’ve learned to love the process, the growth and the fact that my breath is always with me.
During quarantine and isolation, daily yoga or sweat sessions were a must for my mind, not just my body. When I’m pushing myself to my limit or I’m concentrating during other kinds of work, my breath is always there, and yours is too. Never underestimate the healing power of a deep inhale and release.